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Cop in “Deep Shit” for Fingering a Man During a Stop and Frisk

WASHINGTON (WJLA) — The cell phone video shows a ‘Stop and Frisk’ encounter last September between an MPD officer and M.B. Cottingham, a D.C. resident.

“Come on man! Stop fingering me, bruh!” the 39-year-old cries out.

“Stop moving,” replies Officer Sean Lojacono.

“The officer, instead of frisking him for weapons, just jams his finger and his hand between Mr. Cottingham’s legs,” said ACLU attorney Scott Michelman.

The lawsuit states that Cottingham and several friends were sitting on folding chairs near the intersection of Atlantic and First Streets, SW, on the evening of September 27.

They had just opened a bottle of alcohol, in celebration of Cottingham’s birthday, when two cruisers, one marked and one unmarked, pulled up.

Usually police brutality isn’t exactly haha land, but someone yelling “Stop fingering me, bruh” at a cop is absolutely, objectively, the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time.  You know how people say “police brutality is never funny”? It’s almost as if this cop took that as a challenge. Everyone’s busy debating brown lives while all this cop cares about is brown fingers. He took “fuck the police” in a completely different literal direction.

In regards to the actual lawsuit, there’s some information that’s lacking. Most importantly, did he yell “SBS” (surprise butt sex) before the maneuver? If so that’s fair play (and also foreplay). That holds up in a court of law 11/10 times. Don’t need to be a lawyer to know that rule. That’s something you learn in sixth grade. If you don’t like it then sorry. I don’t make the rules I just enforce them.

Also this dude must have been thicccc as shit. Cops don’t go fingering anyone. This officer was ready to risk it all. Most police officers like donuts, but this cop was all about that cake.

And how about this 39 year old guy celebrating his birthday by crushing 40’s on the side of the road? I can’t decide if that’s the best or worst birthday party ever. I’m leaning towards the best. To be fair he did get some action. And I know people will say, “But Tim, no one ever said they were drinking 40’s.” Uh, let’s all be mature here and use our context clues. They were drinking 40’s.

Honestly I respect it. If my 39th birthday ends up being anything short of me getting fingered by a cop on a side of a road, then what’s this all for? I’ve always had a thing for a man in a uniform anyway. Then again I’ll be dead by the time I’m 30 so whatever. Dare to dream, I guess.

Overall, this just goes to show how underutilized fingering is in the context of street fighting. So far it’s undefeated. Next time you find yourself in a bar fight, forget the punches and just give the dude a nice two finger salute.

1 comment on “Cop in “Deep Shit” for Fingering a Man During a Stop and Frisk

  1. Anonymous

    Classic! “Let’s use our context clues!”

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