Craigslist Missed Connections

Craigslist Missed Connections 7/24

cl 4

So what you’re saying is he’s random? I’m not sure you made that clear enough. Write it a fourth time just to confirm. Also how do you not know each other’s names? Did you introduce yourself as “white male” and did he refer to himself as “Random Indian”? Weird move to type cast yourselves, but also a weird move to post on Craigslist so who am I to judge?

cl 5

michael gay

Not sure Craigslist is the right place to figure out your sexuality. Also an interesting use of “quick question”. “Hey quick question: can you help me find the root of my peculiar sexual interests that I’m seemingly incredibly insecure about? And then based off your findings decide if I have homosexual tendencies?” 

cl 6

A lot to digest here. First, a duel career as a funeral director/fireman sounds like a roller coaster. Actually more of a haunted house. No offense to anyone pursuing a career in that field, but you are a fucking psychopath if you voluntarily become a funeral director. Personally, the only benefit I’d have to becoming a mortician is that I’d streamline the shit out of my suicide. Cut out the middle man right before I do the same to my wrists.   Nothing like spending the rest of your life surrounded by sad and/or dead people. Never work a day in my life (because my first client would be myself).

And how flirtatious could you have possibly gotten when the subject at hand is dead bodies? What’s the best case scenario there? You guys hit it off and you go back to his place in an Uber Hearse? Sounds magical.

PS: Felipe’s has the best burritos in Boston. Also that counts as a sponsorship so I think they owe me free burritos and margs for life. Business is business. Money never sleeps.

cl 1

That escalated quickly. When most people think of “outdoor fun”, a picnic or maybe a hike comes to mind. Not this guy. Apparently he’s quite fond of, uh, breast feeding? May I suggest a Yoohoo or maybe an almond milk instead?

cl 3

“My day gets better every time I think of that apron on the floor”. Do you think she wears her Home Depot apron at all times. Like she’s gonna show up on a date with “How may I help you” on her back?

cl 7

I stopped reading once I read “white van”. The lack of self-awareness is embarrassing. It’s like the Asian guy I saw today with a Kim Jong Un-ish haircut. If you don’t want the comparison don’t get the sides cut so short. You don’t see me rocking a Hitler mustache (in public).

cl 8

This one wins best description. According to my math, if you lived in an apartment in the 80’s, you’re probably at least 50, which would make you a 50 year old man on the internet posting about a girl from 35 years ago having “perfect boobs”. Spoiler alert, sir. They’re no longer perfect. Have you met my friend, gravity?

cl 9

Which of the 12 steps is “hit on women in your AA group in the Missed Connections section of Craigslist”? And “found you attractive for years from afar”? How long have you’ve been in AA? Give it up and let’s grab a beer you crazy bastard.

cl 10

Oh yea man, total romcom. There are so many cute movies based around Craigslist. There’s the one about the craigslist killer. There’s the, nope, that’s it. Then again, I have to respect running a girl over with your bike then immediately hitting on her. Shooters shoot.

 

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